Change Is Becoming More of Who You Already Are

You meet an old friend from school. Which would you rather hear?

A: You’ve changed.
B: You haven’t changed at all.

I would've picked A in a heartbeat. Or so I thought. Until I really met an old friend from school.

I’ve been a personal-growth nerd since I was a teenager.

You handed me a book on how to simplify life, organize a home, have a fulfilling life, build relationships, get things done: I read it. All while I had zero home to organize, zero job, and zero relationship.

Then I studied psychology. Became a coach. Built my practice. Fell in love. Moved to Berlin. The list goes on.

So yeah, I’ve changed.

But then I met a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years.

Imagine a warm late summer evening. Butterflies swarming around the colorful garden flowers. A cozy gathering around the wooden table. Then these words cutting the warm, still air:

You.
Haven’t.
Changed.
At all.

My memories are blurry from there on. I'm sure I'm saying something incredibly eloquent, along the lines of… “What?” And they say this:

“I honestly don't remember the specifics of who you were back then. What I remember is how we were together and how I felt around you. And I feel exactly the same today.”

Excuse me, someone's cutting onions here. Give me a sec.

Okay. I'm good. Here's the thing:

The people who love you don't care about your title, your habits, your reading list, or that you finally quit sugar.

See, two people can look at you across decades and reach opposite conclusions. One tracks change on the visible axis – the degree, the career, the family, the title on your LinkedIn profile. The other tracks change on a completely different axis – your presence, warmth, energy, inspiration.

You've changed?
You haven't changed at all?

Both are true.

Because change is expressing more of who you are. And always have been.